You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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