is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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