I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
