I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When are your genitals available?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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