I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
