apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
is it fun? or sober?
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