I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
