That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
two words: eviction party
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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