70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
