you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just want to make out with him forever
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
