I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
