Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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