Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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