New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
