I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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