oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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