I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
