I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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