Umm I'm too high to move.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
