She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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