New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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