I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
