In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
