dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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