Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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