dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
