We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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