so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i think im in europe. pls send help
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
