Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
