Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
