How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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