Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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