The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
