can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
