Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
