someone get that fucking seahorse.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Never joke about your clitoris.
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