you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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