Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
