It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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