Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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