I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
