He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
