We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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