So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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