I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
