I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
