It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
