your parents love me but you hate me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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