I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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