Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
