About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
