Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your cock deserves a montage
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
