It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
