im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
