why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
