i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
