i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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