i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
