Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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