I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
