census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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