If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
