Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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