Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
