Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He passed out mid-signature
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
