Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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