Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think a kid would responsible me up
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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