allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
