I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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