Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
