i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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