remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
